I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
