Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
