I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
