They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
