Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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