I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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