You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
