i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
