good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
