I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
