I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
