laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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