i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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