I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
