You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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