: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
