he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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