he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
