She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
