i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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