Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
