life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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