i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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