so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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