My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
