Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
