He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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