Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
