Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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