If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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