Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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