I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
