Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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