At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
