Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
