He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
