She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
