I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
