I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
love makes seman taste better
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
