her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
