If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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