I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
