I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
