I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
