Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love you.
Bad choice
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
