Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
