East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
