If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
