Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
