Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's get the cat blown out
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
