Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
