So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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