I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
