So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
