Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
