I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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