Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
