Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
