I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you.
Bad choice
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