she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
