If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
