I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
