Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
