He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
