He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
